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Stranger #21

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stranger21Living with a cat
Do it! I initially got a cat because my job meant it was hard to keep regular hours that would be needed to keep another type of pet – unlike a dog for instance, cats are pretty self-sufficient. I never thought I was a cat person until I got her, now I am one of the craziest cat ladies around.

Lots of people tell me they don’t like cats, but they like Porkchop (pictured), and she’s not even really affectionate, so I think they just need to give more kitties a chance…Or maybe my friends are just polite! Is she weird and obnoxious? Absolutely, 5am wake up calls aren’t usually my thing!

Did I have to work incredibly hard just for her to sit on my lap, or let me rub her belly? Stupidly hard. Still.

But the payoff is so rewarding. Even though I know she is usually just purring because I have the thumbs required to open her food for her, I take what I can get.

And those times when you know it’s actual affection are like winning the lottery, hahaha.

The rumours are true, your cat will own you, but once you surrender to that, having that extra quirky little heart beat around the house can make all the difference.

Taking the karaoke stage with confidence
Surround yourself with friends who will cheer you on no matter what and probably sing along too. Pick songs that you feel passionate about! Your performance will be fierce if nothing else, & everyone loves a good show. Also, a little dutch courage never hurts…

Volunteering at a film festival
Let them know what YOU want to gain from the experience! Volunteering really is an immeasurable help for the festival, but it is a two-way street. Sure, some people do just want to lend a hand, but if you are there to gain new skills – make sure the person rostering you on knows what you are interested in learning about, so they can help facilitate it. And have fun, always have fun.

Would like advice on 
How and when to say no! I love being busy and saying yes to new opportunities. I love being social and (trying to) be a good friend and family member. I love my job and working hard at being better at it. But there really are just 24 hours in the day, you know!

Best advice received
To think of your energy as a set of spoons. Everything you do takes away some of those spoons and  you’ve got to make sure you are able to take the time replenish them, before you use them all, and end up with none. It’s hard, but I think about those damn spoons almost every day.

Life experience
32 Years

Location
Sydney, Australia

Stranger #20

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IMG_3419Meeting up with grindr
Be selective on who you meet but also be open to the possibility of a friendship.

Maintaining a long distance relationship
It only works if your both committed 100%  to the relationship and both can see a future  within it.

Choosing the perfect head wear
You should pick head wear that suits your personality, how you feel that day , what  colours you really like but most of all wear what makes your spirit feel alive happy and  joyful.

Would like advice on
How do I meet sexy men for dates that don’t have weird sexual habits.

Best advice received
Never get a girl pregnant – unless you can take care of your family. Thanks mum!.

Life experience
37 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

Stranger #19

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stranger19Drunk facebooking
In the instance of drunken status rants, it’s a good idea to approach drunk facebooking the same way you should drunk dialling or texting your ex: Just don’t do it. It may seem like a good idea to get stuff off your chest but inevitably you’re just going to come across as a needy weirdo. Call a good friend and vent to them instead – You’ll get genuine support and no judgement that way.

Photos: There’s probably not a lot you can do here except maybe pause before you post. And hope that you don’t look like too much of a trash bag in the photos your friends post.

Leaving the hospitality industry
Don’t feel like you’re stuck.

Hospitality is a lifestyle as well as a job. The hours are long and unsociable (to people in “normal” jobs anyway, you probably do more socialising than most people) and can often result in developing odd eating, boozing and sleeping habits (I left the industry 2 years ago after 13 years and still have no compunctions eating pasta for breakfast or getting drunk on a Tuesday).

Many people who have been in the industry for a long time feel they don’t have the skills or qualifications to do anything else which isn’t true. Depending on what sort of work you want to do there might be some study necessary but if you need a clean break from the industry, you are probably qualified for something in sales, retail or marketing. Do some research and go for it.

If you’re really unhappy, leave before you start to hate the human race.

This sounds pretty dramatic but the stress, hours, and jerky customers can take their toll and left unchecked can change you into a cynical, disgruntled hater. You’ve probably come across the odd coworker who makes you think “why does he work in hospitality? He seems to hate people!”

Leave before you become that guy. Nobody likes that guy. And he gets shit tips.

Living with friends
Set some ground rules early on and then try to stick to them as much as possible.
It’s really easy in the beginning when living with friends to feel like your at one awesome slumber party where you get to hang out with your besties all the time staying up late, watching movies, getting drunk and talking about life and love.

But at some point, the dishes need to be washed. The rent has to be paid and someone has to take the rubbish out. Remember that probably up until this point, you’ve probably only seen these friends in fun social situations. It’s an entirely different ball game when you see each other everyday – when you’re at your worst as well as your best.

It can feel surprisingly awkward to have to tell your friend, even your best friend that you find it really irritating that they eat your food without asking first and NEVER clean unless you nag them. Or when you find out that they get annoyed with your nasty habits (and we all have at least one) but only after they yell at you seemingly out of nowhere after bottling it up for weeks.

It sounds really boring and obvious but the best way to avoid this stuff is to sit down on the first day and sort out a cleaning roster, set a system for groceries, paying bills and rent and compare your work schedules so everyone gets a hot shower every day.

It’s impossible to avoid all conflict of course but you can make it easier by addressing the stuff that annoys you straight away in a straight forward but polite way and not ignoring it until you get to a point where you get angry about it. We never really notice our annoying habits until they get pointed out to us and instead of being affronted we can use these as opportunities get to know our friends even better and maybe even improve ourselves a little.

I for one, am much better at not leaving my dishes in the sink these days.

Best advice received?
Own up to your mistakes. Don’t make excuses, just always try to learn and do better.

Would you like advice on
I would love advice on starting an online business and how to get a job as a visual merchandiser.

 Life Experience
30 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

Stranger #18

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stranger18How to say ‘No’
It’s ok to say “No’. As part of being raised to be polite and helpful, I was always hesitant to ever say ‘No’ as I never wanted to disappoint other people. I have found it is better to politely decline than to give more than you can or want to.

Finding adventure in New York
I was lucky enough to find the source of adventure on my first trip to NYC at the Oak Bar at the Iconic Plaza Hotel. I found a local New Yorker that has opened the city and taken me under his wing, to the Lower East Side. Americans love to small talk and are much better at talking to strangers than what I have experienced living in Sydney, I believe if you treat New York with virgin eyes and an open explorative heart the adventure finds you.

Raising a confident child
Give them the love and support to feel good about who they are in their own skin, when they are funny tell them their funny, when they do good, rejoice with them. But to lead by example is my best advice. If you show them that you are confident and strong they won’t know any different.

Creating an alter ego
In the tradition of Clark Kent and Superman it is our alter ego that gets to do all the things we can only dream about. I have an issue with how society has difficulty not seeing women who are mothers as autonomous people. The role we play as mothers is expected to fit a behavioural mould that I find creating an alter ego smashes.

Best advice received
BRING IT!!

Life experience
36 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

 

Stranger #17

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stranger17Perfecting jam
Good ripe fruit filled to the brim with all the flavour and colour you can find. A good recipe that has been handed down from someone that knows what they are doing and a smidge (as my Mum calls it a ‘trace’) pot butter to get rid of any jam scum. SCUM! It’s a jam thing!

Calling off a wedding
If you have to do it, as in you KNOW in your heart and guts that it’s not going to work JUST DO IT. Don’t think about what people will think, or say, about the cost of the heartache involved it’s far better to deal with that now at the expense of YOU and your happiness. People will forget soon enough and I guarantee that you will be HAPPY eventually. It’s hard, but anything worth while doing in life is.

Moving to the country
Throw yourself into life…never turn down an invitation to anything as you never know who you will meet. Get your hands dirty and help out as much as you can – country communities desperately need new blood and people willing to help. It’s exhausting at times, but worth it in the end.

Would like advice on
How do you untrain your brain/mindset after a whole life of doing something one way? I would love to be more carefree and relaxed about everything…I find myself continually caught up in things that just DON’T MATTER,

Best advice received?
It’s none of your business what people think of you.

Life Experience
37 years

Location
NSW, Australia

Stranger #16

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stranger15Programming a film festival
A dozen factors go into choosing a film. Will it sell tickets? Is it a premiere? Does it balance your line-up, put your festival on the map, help bring a star to the event or get you press coverage…? Be ready to ignore them all if the film is transformative and needs to be seen: that’s why you do this job in the first place, don’t ever forget it.

Finding adventure
It depends on your temperament. If adventure finds you then worry about staying safe and sane. Adventure doesn’t come looking for me. I have to make an effort to seek it out. You might too. Try this: say YES to everything and everyone for one week, and see where that takes you.

Over the span of 20 years, I lived in seven different countries. Some of that was definitely an adventure. Now that I’m more settled, it takes a conscious effort to bring together the components of an adventure, big or small: opening yourself up to new experiences, stepping out of your comfort zone and taking a risk or two.

The benefits are plenty, starting with a sense of heightened experience (life at its fullest?), that otherwise only comes around sporadically (childhood, drugs, falling in love, travelling, creating art…).

Going to SXSW
Stay healthy. Texas is not known for its healthy food, yet Austin is home to the first and largest Wholefoods store: drop by daily. Leave downtown and experience something real, even if it’s just a piñata shop or an authentic BBQ: yes the festival’s on, but how often are you planning to be in Texas?

The event is so huge you’ll only experience a fraction of it (2%, and that’s if you don’t sleep for 10 days). Fear-of-missing-out is your biggest enemy. Put that shit away. Focus on 3 or 4 films, acts or seminars you’re happy to stand in line for, then take chances on unknown artists and let your intuition guide you. You will miss out (like that time I chose a talk by Lena Dunham over a skype interview with Ed Snowden), but that’ll make comparing notes with other festival-goers that much more fun.

Telling your parents you are gay
My parents barely blinked, and that was nearly 20 years ago. Coming out might be even easier now (just yesterday I came across a camp for LGBTIQ kids and youth curious about their sexuality or gender identity).

Everyone’s family is different though, so there’s no blanket advice. If your family isn’t pre-disposed to accept you the way you are, give them time, and assemble your own alternative family in the interim. Just be proud of who you are and find love and support where you can.

If you have straight friends who have kids, open their eyes and hearts to the wide identity spectrum in which their child might define themselves, across sexuality and gender. We have to make it easier for future generations to be who they are by easing up on conformist pressures and social conditioning.

Would like advice on
I’d love to get advice on starting a family as a gay couple in Australia, on how to run an arts organization without burning out, and on how to get to the front of the queue when Martian colonization begins.

Best advice received
Don’t pay for anything with your health.

Life experience
39 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

Stranger #15

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stranger8Hosting a dinner party
Don’t take it too seriously – and don’t be competitive. Some people will just not be beat when it comes to culinary triumphs.
Don’t be stingy with volume of food. Leftovers are great.
Do a really good dessert – it’s the final impression.
Set the table, have candles – ambience is half the success.
Don’t make people wait too long or they’ll be half hammered with a diminishing appetite before first course arrives.

Travelling
Use those plastic bags to keep knickers and socks all in the one place, and for dirty washing. If, when you’re packing, your instinct says you might not wear this dress/trousers/jumper much but it could be handy, don’t take it.

Go with a friend – a good friend – who loves organising itineraries.

When your child tells you they are gay
Be observant and know he/she is gay before they finally get around to telling you.
Don’t say triumphantly, ‘I thought so!! Ever since you used to dress up in my clothes when you were five.’
Arrange your face very quickly so it looks nice and normal – because that’s what they are.
Just listen.

Dealing with ageism
I’ll let you know when I’m old.

Would like advice on
How best to keep abreast of new technology. I so don’t want to turn into an old girl that shakes her head in bewilderment at the next whizzbang Apple whitegood

Best advice received
Don’t be afraid. ‘Faint heart never won the fat turkey.’

Life experience:
63 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

Stranger #14

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stranger14Choosing the perfect book
Decide on the genre before arriving at the bookshop.
Ignore the reviews and the cover and any reputation that the book might have earned.
Remember that the only person that benefits from reading is yourself. Don’t choose a book that you want to be seen reading.
If in doubt read the first paragraph.

Cooking risotto
Choose good quality stock and parmesan cheese.
Don’t drown the rice when you start ladling in the stock.
Stir constantly. Be patient. Don’t leave the pot unattended.

At the end after you have stirred in the butter and the parmesan cover the pot and leave it for a few minutes to allow the flavours to mingle.

Losing your hair
Don’t try and cover it up. Accept the inevitability of the situation.
Start getting number 1 blade cuts straight away.
Don’t stop. You now have only one look. Get used to it.

Would like advice on
Is it ever too late to learn a new language.

Best advice received
You will go though several dramatic seachanges during life. Know when this is happening and embrace it.

Life experience
45 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

Stranger #13

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stranger13Combining textiles with sound
Start by going way back. The connection has a long history and was (and still is) a central part of everyday culture to many people. Delve into this and your experience moving forward will be so much richer. learn more here

Getting crafty
get stuck in. make mistakes. keep playing. go for a walk. work with and learn from other people. share and pass it on.

Visiting York
Hire a bike and cycle along the river Ouse. Get a copy of One and Other (or check on online) and see what’s happening.
The strange smell drifting across the city is cocoa.
Do go to Betty’s – it is worth it.
Grab a pint of local beer – Yorkshire Terrier, Yorkshire Sparkle and anything by Roosters and Rudgate.
Avoid Saturday nights and the Ghost tours!

Would like advice on
How to plan your life

Best advice received
Don’t plan your life.

Life experience
47 years

Location
York, England

Stranger #12

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stranger12Living in Paris
Paris is like a jealous mistress, she will woe you with all her beauty, pleasure & delights but be warned she can be difficult to live with, like all big cities, only the determined, resourceful and strong will be able to call her home.

Dealing with grief
Take all the time you need.

Studying as mature aged student
Just do it! Your life experience and maturity will place you ahead of the pack, you have survived the real world and mastered the art of bullshit.  All you need to do to be a successful student is be able to bullshit your way through every assignment until you cross the finish line.

Using instagram
Just remember selfies and food p*rn are  boring! Photograph the details in your world that you find fascinating, you never know you might just show someone something new and different.

Would like advice on
Learning a language in a hurry!

Best advice received
The most successful and secure person in the world is the most adaptable one.

Life experience 
41 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

Stranger #11

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stranger11Learning a new language
LISTEN to how people speak in that language. Intonation is very important.  And practice.  Even if you practice talking to yourself, holding an imaginary conversation.  It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a huge vocabulary.  See if you can find a way to express yourself without having all the words on your hands.

Balancing a corporate and creative life
It’s hard to find a balance if you can’t find a way to enjoy both. And I believe there’s a way to combine the two in any case. It doesn’t have to always be one or the other. Find a way to be creative in your corporate life, to give it depth and freshness. Find a way to have a business sense in your creative life to make it last, and to enable it.

Networking
Don’t just push yourself in front of people. Be interested in them, and what they have to say, what they do. Only if they find they can talk to you will they listen to and value you as well.

And keep a sense of mystery! You don’t need to lay all your cards out on the table. Keep them intrigued.

Leaving a controlling relationship
You need to realise what is happening, first.  Take a step back.  Are you being yourself?  Truly? Or are you trying to please someone else, to comply with someone else’s rules and desires?  Are they giving you something back in return; are they making any effort themselves?  It needs to be two ways, otherwise you end up holding a grudge or losing your own identity.
Then – when you know for sure what’s happening and know for certain that you want OUT, then JUMP.  Don’t hesitate.  Make the move.  Of course, you don’t need to hurt the other party – be sensible, don’t get too emotionally involved in stating what you want, be it a compromise, an understanding or a complete split. No turning back.

Would like advice on
How to stop self-doubt, to let go of the past.

 Best advice received
Stop analysing!  Go with the flow.

Life experience
51

Location
Melbourne, Australia

Stranger #10

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stranger10Cleaning your room
To clean your room you have to be in a good mood. Music helps, preferably The Beatles or Queen. Dance around the room as you clean so it’s not like a job, but fun. Take your time and don’t be rushed, you have all day!

Creating a character in your writing
Avoid cliche personalities, look at your own experiences – base a character on someone you know in life, also focus on the minuscule details of the person (what they carry with them, words they tend to use, their environment). Also, whenever you go out  always take a notebook along with you to jot down interesting people and even things you encounter day to day to relate this to a character.

Dealing with the “mean girls”
Don’t deal with their attitude – ignore them as their attitude doesn’t really matter in your life, AT ALL! Don’t let them change you in any way, shape or form. Don’t take anything they say personally as they are immature.  Don’t get dragged into any gossip or fights, this will just make matters worse. Treat them equally as they will change in the future.

Would like advice on
Overcoming shyness and over thinking things.

Best advice received
You have to put up with the risk of being misunderstood if you are going to try to communicate. You have to put up with people projecting their own ideas, attitudes, and misunderstanding you. But it’s worth being a public fool if that’s all you can be in order to communicate yourself – Edie Sedgwick

Life experience
13 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

 

 

 

Stranger #9

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starnger4Getting married in Las Vegas
You obviously don’t care about having a huge traditional wedding, so do whatever you like, wear what you want, and don’t invite anyone if you don’t want to. Also don’t feel bad about any of these things, you are the boss.

Transporting a dog overseas
Ignore any family members or friends who suggest leaving the dog behind. Make sure your dog is all up to date with shots and have copies of all the paperwork.  Have someone you know meet them at the other side if you can’t and make sure they have copies of all the paperwork.   Your dog will be forever grateful to the person who rescued them from their small crate once landed. Remember it is only a tiny part of your dog’s whole life so don’t stress too much about it.

Buying your first Morrissey album
Go with Vauxhall and I , it is Captain Bringdown at his best.  You will be happy.

Would like advice on
I like hearing advice on all sorts of things but I usually do what I had initially intended because I generally know what I will do in situations straight away.

Best advice received
It is not advice someone told to me but advice that I read on a blog which I thought was very applicable to lots of situations and that is always assume that you don’t have all the information. Like if you get a really grouchy cashier think about what could have happened to cause them to be that way. Maybe something really bad happened to them. Alternatively if you are on the phone to a customer service person and you aren’t getting the ideal outcome, you should always assume they don’t have all the information, hang up and call back so you can talk to someone else.

Life experience
39 years

Location
Ontario, Canada

Stranger #8

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strangerno8Raising sons
Set high expectations for communication. Don’t take a “grunt” as an acceptable answer, especially from teenagers. Don’t believe the gender stereotype that “men are not talkers.” It takes learning and practice.

Choosing a mentor
Be brave and choose someone who challenges and has a different life experience to you. The benefit for you is a broader base of knowledge rather than a narrow focus on work/career  or a very specific goal. A mentor relationship is about learning for both you and your mentor.

Taking the perfect photo
The perfect photo is always the one where you feel that what you saw with your eye is what is captured in camera, so understand the exposure triangle – aperture, shutter speed and ISO – and how they work together.
Then;
Trust your eye,
Open your heart,
You will capture the moment.

Would like advice on
How do I give myself permission to pursue my creative goals?

Best advice received
When you are driving keep a two  second gap to the car in front and look at the car in front of the one you are following. It will give you more time to react.

Life Experience
47

Location
Brisbane, Australia

Stranger #7

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stranger7Throwing a sick day
Never take only one sick day, it’s too obvious. Take at least two or three in a row. When you return, walk around with a slight limp for a day or two. Tell your boss your having a medical procedure. He/she is likely not to ask for any further details.

Creating an App
First make sure the app doesn’t already exist. If it’s a good idea then it’s likely someone else has already thought of it
Decide if you want the app for Android or iPhone or both. You may need to hire separate developers to build each. Consider hiring a graphic designer to create a professional/slick look and feel for the app that looks great on a handset and a tablet. Don’t forget marketing. If you want people to know about your app, you have to market it heavily by hitting websites,  blogs, facebook etc. The name, description and images you use for your app in iTunes/Google Play are really important as they create the first impression.

Learning a new instrument
Don’t start by spending lots of money on an expensive instrument / lessons until you are sure you are fully committed. Instead start by buying a cheap instrument and use youtube to learn.
Persevere. An instrument is a great companion to have throughout your life.

Would like advice on
In balance, is lying to your kids for the first eight years of their lives by telling them that Santa Claus exists a good thing or not?
Which should I commit to finishing this year, reading all of Dickens’ novels or watching every episode of Lost?

Best advice received
Judge people by their intentions, not their actions. I like this because people do accidental, erratic, random stupid stuff all the time that does not represent who they really are.

 Life experience
43 years

Location
Ontario, Canada

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