Interview

Stranger #16

stranger15Programming a film festival
A dozen factors go into choosing a film. Will it sell tickets? Is it a premiere? Does it balance your line-up, put your festival on the map, help bring a star to the event or get you press coverage…? Be ready to ignore them all if the film is transformative and needs to be seen: that’s why you do this job in the first place, don’t ever forget it.

Finding adventure
It depends on your temperament. If adventure finds you then worry about staying safe and sane. Adventure doesn’t come looking for me. I have to make an effort to seek it out. You might too. Try this: say YES to everything and everyone for one week, and see where that takes you.

Over the span of 20 years, I lived in seven different countries. Some of that was definitely an adventure. Now that I’m more settled, it takes a conscious effort to bring together the components of an adventure, big or small: opening yourself up to new experiences, stepping out of your comfort zone and taking a risk or two.

The benefits are plenty, starting with a sense of heightened experience (life at its fullest?), that otherwise only comes around sporadically (childhood, drugs, falling in love, travelling, creating art…).

Going to SXSW
Stay healthy. Texas is not known for its healthy food, yet Austin is home to the first and largest Wholefoods store: drop by daily. Leave downtown and experience something real, even if it’s just a piñata shop or an authentic BBQ: yes the festival’s on, but how often are you planning to be in Texas?

The event is so huge you’ll only experience a fraction of it (2%, and that’s if you don’t sleep for 10 days). Fear-of-missing-out is your biggest enemy. Put that shit away. Focus on 3 or 4 films, acts or seminars you’re happy to stand in line for, then take chances on unknown artists and let your intuition guide you. You will miss out (like that time I chose a talk by Lena Dunham over a skype interview with Ed Snowden), but that’ll make comparing notes with other festival-goers that much more fun.

Telling your parents you are gay
My parents barely blinked, and that was nearly 20 years ago. Coming out might be even easier now (just yesterday I came across a camp for LGBTIQ kids and youth curious about their sexuality or gender identity).

Everyone’s family is different though, so there’s no blanket advice. If your family isn’t pre-disposed to accept you the way you are, give them time, and assemble your own alternative family in the interim. Just be proud of who you are and find love and support where you can.

If you have straight friends who have kids, open their eyes and hearts to the wide identity spectrum in which their child might define themselves, across sexuality and gender. We have to make it easier for future generations to be who they are by easing up on conformist pressures and social conditioning.

Would like advice on
I’d love to get advice on starting a family as a gay couple in Australia, on how to run an arts organization without burning out, and on how to get to the front of the queue when Martian colonization begins.

Best advice received
Don’t pay for anything with your health.

Life experience
39 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

Stranger #15

stranger8Hosting a dinner party
Don’t take it too seriously – and don’t be competitive. Some people will just not be beat when it comes to culinary triumphs.
Don’t be stingy with volume of food. Leftovers are great.
Do a really good dessert – it’s the final impression.
Set the table, have candles – ambience is half the success.
Don’t make people wait too long or they’ll be half hammered with a diminishing appetite before first course arrives.

Travelling
Use those plastic bags to keep knickers and socks all in the one place, and for dirty washing. If, when you’re packing, your instinct says you might not wear this dress/trousers/jumper much but it could be handy, don’t take it.

Go with a friend – a good friend – who loves organising itineraries.

When your child tells you they are gay
Be observant and know he/she is gay before they finally get around to telling you.
Don’t say triumphantly, ‘I thought so!! Ever since you used to dress up in my clothes when you were five.’
Arrange your face very quickly so it looks nice and normal – because that’s what they are.
Just listen.

Dealing with ageism
I’ll let you know when I’m old.

Would like advice on
How best to keep abreast of new technology. I so don’t want to turn into an old girl that shakes her head in bewilderment at the next whizzbang Apple whitegood

Best advice received
Don’t be afraid. ‘Faint heart never won the fat turkey.’

Life experience:
63 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

Stranger #14

stranger14Choosing the perfect book
Decide on the genre before arriving at the bookshop.
Ignore the reviews and the cover and any reputation that the book might have earned.
Remember that the only person that benefits from reading is yourself. Don’t choose a book that you want to be seen reading.
If in doubt read the first paragraph.

Cooking risotto
Choose good quality stock and parmesan cheese.
Don’t drown the rice when you start ladling in the stock.
Stir constantly. Be patient. Don’t leave the pot unattended.

At the end after you have stirred in the butter and the parmesan cover the pot and leave it for a few minutes to allow the flavours to mingle.

Losing your hair
Don’t try and cover it up. Accept the inevitability of the situation.
Start getting number 1 blade cuts straight away.
Don’t stop. You now have only one look. Get used to it.

Would like advice on
Is it ever too late to learn a new language.

Best advice received
You will go though several dramatic seachanges during life. Know when this is happening and embrace it.

Life experience
45 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

Stranger #13

stranger13Combining textiles with sound
Start by going way back. The connection has a long history and was (and still is) a central part of everyday culture to many people. Delve into this and your experience moving forward will be so much richer. learn more here

Getting crafty
get stuck in. make mistakes. keep playing. go for a walk. work with and learn from other people. share and pass it on.

Visiting York
Hire a bike and cycle along the river Ouse. Get a copy of One and Other (or check on online) and see what’s happening.
The strange smell drifting across the city is cocoa.
Do go to Betty’s – it is worth it.
Grab a pint of local beer – Yorkshire Terrier, Yorkshire Sparkle and anything by Roosters and Rudgate.
Avoid Saturday nights and the Ghost tours!

Would like advice on
How to plan your life

Best advice received
Don’t plan your life.

Life experience
47 years

Location
York, England

Stranger #12

stranger12Living in Paris
Paris is like a jealous mistress, she will woe you with all her beauty, pleasure & delights but be warned she can be difficult to live with, like all big cities, only the determined, resourceful and strong will be able to call her home.

Dealing with grief
Take all the time you need.

Studying as mature aged student
Just do it! Your life experience and maturity will place you ahead of the pack, you have survived the real world and mastered the art of bullshit.  All you need to do to be a successful student is be able to bullshit your way through every assignment until you cross the finish line.

Using instagram
Just remember selfies and food p*rn are  boring! Photograph the details in your world that you find fascinating, you never know you might just show someone something new and different.

Would like advice on
Learning a language in a hurry!

Best advice received
The most successful and secure person in the world is the most adaptable one.

Life experience 
41 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

Stranger #11

stranger11Learning a new language
LISTEN to how people speak in that language. Intonation is very important.  And practice.  Even if you practice talking to yourself, holding an imaginary conversation.  It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a huge vocabulary.  See if you can find a way to express yourself without having all the words on your hands.

Balancing a corporate and creative life
It’s hard to find a balance if you can’t find a way to enjoy both. And I believe there’s a way to combine the two in any case. It doesn’t have to always be one or the other. Find a way to be creative in your corporate life, to give it depth and freshness. Find a way to have a business sense in your creative life to make it last, and to enable it.

Networking
Don’t just push yourself in front of people. Be interested in them, and what they have to say, what they do. Only if they find they can talk to you will they listen to and value you as well.

And keep a sense of mystery! You don’t need to lay all your cards out on the table. Keep them intrigued.

Leaving a controlling relationship
You need to realise what is happening, first.  Take a step back.  Are you being yourself?  Truly? Or are you trying to please someone else, to comply with someone else’s rules and desires?  Are they giving you something back in return; are they making any effort themselves?  It needs to be two ways, otherwise you end up holding a grudge or losing your own identity.
Then – when you know for sure what’s happening and know for certain that you want OUT, then JUMP.  Don’t hesitate.  Make the move.  Of course, you don’t need to hurt the other party – be sensible, don’t get too emotionally involved in stating what you want, be it a compromise, an understanding or a complete split. No turning back.

Would like advice on
How to stop self-doubt, to let go of the past.

 Best advice received
Stop analysing!  Go with the flow.

Life experience
51

Location
Melbourne, Australia

Stranger #10

stranger10Cleaning your room
To clean your room you have to be in a good mood. Music helps, preferably The Beatles or Queen. Dance around the room as you clean so it’s not like a job, but fun. Take your time and don’t be rushed, you have all day!

Creating a character in your writing
Avoid cliche personalities, look at your own experiences – base a character on someone you know in life, also focus on the minuscule details of the person (what they carry with them, words they tend to use, their environment). Also, whenever you go out  always take a notebook along with you to jot down interesting people and even things you encounter day to day to relate this to a character.

Dealing with the “mean girls”
Don’t deal with their attitude – ignore them as their attitude doesn’t really matter in your life, AT ALL! Don’t let them change you in any way, shape or form. Don’t take anything they say personally as they are immature.  Don’t get dragged into any gossip or fights, this will just make matters worse. Treat them equally as they will change in the future.

Would like advice on
Overcoming shyness and over thinking things.

Best advice received
You have to put up with the risk of being misunderstood if you are going to try to communicate. You have to put up with people projecting their own ideas, attitudes, and misunderstanding you. But it’s worth being a public fool if that’s all you can be in order to communicate yourself – Edie Sedgwick

Life experience
13 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

 

 

 

Stranger #9

starnger4Getting married in Las Vegas
You obviously don’t care about having a huge traditional wedding, so do whatever you like, wear what you want, and don’t invite anyone if you don’t want to. Also don’t feel bad about any of these things, you are the boss.

Transporting a dog overseas
Ignore any family members or friends who suggest leaving the dog behind. Make sure your dog is all up to date with shots and have copies of all the paperwork.  Have someone you know meet them at the other side if you can’t and make sure they have copies of all the paperwork.   Your dog will be forever grateful to the person who rescued them from their small crate once landed. Remember it is only a tiny part of your dog’s whole life so don’t stress too much about it.

Buying your first Morrissey album
Go with Vauxhall and I , it is Captain Bringdown at his best.  You will be happy.

Would like advice on
I like hearing advice on all sorts of things but I usually do what I had initially intended because I generally know what I will do in situations straight away.

Best advice received
It is not advice someone told to me but advice that I read on a blog which I thought was very applicable to lots of situations and that is always assume that you don’t have all the information. Like if you get a really grouchy cashier think about what could have happened to cause them to be that way. Maybe something really bad happened to them. Alternatively if you are on the phone to a customer service person and you aren’t getting the ideal outcome, you should always assume they don’t have all the information, hang up and call back so you can talk to someone else.

Life experience
39 years

Location
Ontario, Canada

Stranger #8

strangerno8Raising sons
Set high expectations for communication. Don’t take a “grunt” as an acceptable answer, especially from teenagers. Don’t believe the gender stereotype that “men are not talkers.” It takes learning and practice.

Choosing a mentor
Be brave and choose someone who challenges and has a different life experience to you. The benefit for you is a broader base of knowledge rather than a narrow focus on work/career  or a very specific goal. A mentor relationship is about learning for both you and your mentor.

Taking the perfect photo
The perfect photo is always the one where you feel that what you saw with your eye is what is captured in camera, so understand the exposure triangle – aperture, shutter speed and ISO – and how they work together.
Then;
Trust your eye,
Open your heart,
You will capture the moment.

Would like advice on
How do I give myself permission to pursue my creative goals?

Best advice received
When you are driving keep a two  second gap to the car in front and look at the car in front of the one you are following. It will give you more time to react.

Life Experience
47

Location
Brisbane, Australia

Stranger #7

stranger7Throwing a sick day
Never take only one sick day, it’s too obvious. Take at least two or three in a row. When you return, walk around with a slight limp for a day or two. Tell your boss your having a medical procedure. He/she is likely not to ask for any further details.

Creating an App
First make sure the app doesn’t already exist. If it’s a good idea then it’s likely someone else has already thought of it
Decide if you want the app for Android or iPhone or both. You may need to hire separate developers to build each. Consider hiring a graphic designer to create a professional/slick look and feel for the app that looks great on a handset and a tablet. Don’t forget marketing. If you want people to know about your app, you have to market it heavily by hitting websites,  blogs, facebook etc. The name, description and images you use for your app in iTunes/Google Play are really important as they create the first impression.

Learning a new instrument
Don’t start by spending lots of money on an expensive instrument / lessons until you are sure you are fully committed. Instead start by buying a cheap instrument and use youtube to learn.
Persevere. An instrument is a great companion to have throughout your life.

Would like advice on
In balance, is lying to your kids for the first eight years of their lives by telling them that Santa Claus exists a good thing or not?
Which should I commit to finishing this year, reading all of Dickens’ novels or watching every episode of Lost?

Best advice received
Judge people by their intentions, not their actions. I like this because people do accidental, erratic, random stupid stuff all the time that does not represent who they really are.

 Life experience
43 years

Location
Ontario, Canada

Stranger #6

stranger6Running a marathon
Don’t over estimate how much food you need for training, I did and put on half a stone. Also keep a slow pace, you have a long way to go so don’t be temped to go fast just because you’re feeling good at the start. Do one long run a week but don’t forget to do speed sessions too!

Dealing with a break up
Don’t look back, use this time to discover yourself. You broke up for a reason so be strong and move on. Be excited for what the future holds.

Work year in Australia 
Enjoy. Every. Second. Meet new people and travel around, soak it all up because the year will fly.

Would like advice on
Dealing with a bullying boss.
Managing work,kids and study.

Best advice received
If it looks like shit, and it smells like shit, then it’s shit so just walk around it.

Life Experience
36 years

Location
Dublin, Ireland

 

 

 

Stranger #5

stranger 5Owning a poodle
Don’t give them a stupid pompous haircut!! Poodles already have a bad name as poncy dogs, so giving them a haircut that makes them look like a fluffy evil alien is not going to improve the situation. Stick with the “PUPPY” cut, and if you want to get fancy, get their ears coloured – it stops traffic!

Looking for gallery representation
Galleries get hundreds of letters, emails a year from artists seeking gallery representation, and it gets tedious for them to go through and follow up on each one. So most of these requests usually get thrown out and are rarely followed up. Unfair yes, but thats just the way the industry goes. A better way to get noticed by a gallery is to firstly get your work exhibited publicly; you can do this by being in an art prize, participating in a local art show or even having your work hung in an artist run space. You could then send your prospective gallery an invitation (with a photograph of your actual work on it) informing them about your particular work being exhibited, and that you would love them to view the work it in the flesh. By going about introducing yourself to them this way, you give the gallerist an opportunity to view your work in the flesh, and you will also stand out as a motivated pre-exhibiting artist. Gallerists love to “discover” new talent, and by receiving an invitation to view your work within a professional space, is a much better way to get noticed, rather than through a generic request of representation letter.

Buying an apartment in France
Don’t do it unless you have a vast amount of money, especially if it’s an older property that needs renovation- they are money pits!! Also you must be fluent in French both spoken and written as you really need to understand in detail what you are paying for with property taxes, legal and property management fees in order to retain control over your investment. If you don’t, you are in high risk to be taken advantage of, as with any foreign investment.

Would like advice on
None, I’m quite confident in my decisions and motivations.

Best advice received
I’m usually the one giving advice out.

Life experience
35 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

Stranger #4

stranger2Using Tinder for the first time
‘Real World’ dating rules don’t apply. Don’t play games. Make the
first move. Be nice. Don’t take offence. And most of all have fun.

Moving country
Save up enough money to spend your first few months in the country
either working in a  fun, casual job or travelling around your new
home. This way you will establish a network of friends early on which
will make the transition to a new culture / country so much easier.


Travelling the world solo
Have a rough itinerary of what you’d like to see but be open to
changing your plans at the drop of a hat, the suggestion of a fellow
traveller, or a wrong turn taken in the road…that’s where the adventure starts.

Snooping on your partners phone
Don’t, just don’t. If you find something bad the relationship is
over. If you don’t find something bad the relationship is over anyway
because the trust is gone.

Would like advice on
How do you “breakup” with your flatmate.

Best advice received
You don’t have to tap dance in crap to realise it for what it is.

Life experience
32 years

Location
Sydney, Australia

 

Stranger #3

strangerno3On being a grandparent
When you see your offspring and partner making the same mistakes with their children that you made yourself, albeit a long time ago, learn to keep you big mouth SHUT.

On discovering Opera
Opera’s a bit like falling in love; a lot of the time you haven’t the foggiest clue what’s going on, but there’s absolutely nothing quite like it in the whole wide world.

On falling in love
Follow your heart and give her all you’ve got to give.

Best advice received
Be yourself, play the hand you were dealt, make the most of life as every day is a gift.

Would like advice on
I am OMNISCIENT ! [ sometimes…..]

Life experience
65 years

Location
Dublin, Ireland

Stranger #2

strangerno.2Starting your own Zine
If you’re stuck on how to proceed, imagine the kind of zine that you’d love to discover. Then make it.

Visiting Japan for the first time
Japan is a very specific kind of place, so I’d suggest to the first time visitor to think up their dream holiday discovery, however strange it might be. Japan will probably have something that resembles it. Also: buy lots of socks. They will bring you joy for years afterwards.

On naming a rabbit
Whatever name you give any pet will inevitably change, so don’t worry about it too much.

Best advice received
I call it the 5% rule, it’s a healing strategy that is especially useful for fatigue and depression and it is: rather than trying to find something that makes you feel 100% better, look for things that make you feel 5% better, or 10% better, and do as many as you can manage. Not only does it work as a strategy to feel better, it promotes a philosophy of patience and progressive change.

Would like advice on
Staying calm

Life experience
35 years

Location
Sydney, Australia